Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Interestingly enough, when you are the porn star, even though you are percieved as the seductress it is most often the other men (and sometimes women) who are throwing themselves at you, having seen your videos and wanting a piece of you, and it is usually YOU, the pornstar, wondering why it's so difficult to find someone to have an intellectual conversation with, and someone who can think about something other than sex for a change of pace.
Interestingly enough, when you are the pornstar, everyone assumes that anyone who you hang out with is your fuck buddy, while interestingly enough, when you are a porn star, only 25% of the people you hang out with are fuck buddies, and they are usually attractive or super cool or edgy, and just as skilled in the arts of the boudoir as yourself.
Interestingly enough, oftentimes the women who are calling you a dirty slut and a whore behind your back are slutting it up in private, except that they didn't bother to ask them to get STD tests before hand or use condoms, since they assume that they and their partners are safe, since they don't do porn.
Interestingly enough, it is YOU, the porn star, who are so low maintenance that you leave the house after washing your face, putting on a little lotion, and perhaps some loose powder, scorning any makeup that is un-necessary, and manage to tossle your bedhead hair and put it in a ponytail without styling it and still look amazingly hot, yet also carry on a sophisticated conversation regarding current events and worldy topics, and manage to be the pioneer who follows your own ideas about sexual morality.
Yes... interestingly enough, it is the porn star who quite understands just what other women are threatened by, and this is exactly why she can be calm in the face of all sorts of viscious and spiteful behavior, knowing that the attacks stem from insecurity and hateful feelings. Hash Tag -- unlock the Zen.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I've experienced jealousy for most of my life, including in high school. In once instance, I remember that I girl on my geography bowl team became jealous because I got ten points higher than her on a test. I could see how the look on her face changed the minute that she saw my score, and she actually became so angry that she literally walked away from me in the middle of a conversation. Still, although there were definitely pockets of intense jealousy, including one instance from a close friend, who tried to turn my other friends against me, I experienced mostly good will until I began doing adult work, and sort of "blossomed" in a sense. I came from a conservative background, and had always dressed very conservatively, for the most part, until I began doing adult modeling and film. I noticed that women would get very nervous when I talked to their boyfriends at parties and social gatherings, and would pull their boyfriends away from me, sometimes in the middle of a sentence, even though I had experienced no attraction to these guys at all, and my intentions were entirely platonic. Ironically, it doesn't seem to matter how I'm dressed, or whether I'm entirely covered up or wearing a mini skirt, to show off my long, nicely toned legs, I still seem to elicit the same response, and I'm realizing, it's because of my intelligence. I think that being both attractive AND smart (not to mention athletic) is too much for other women. If a woman is smart but unattractive, other women can tell themselves that the rival may have some good qualities, but she's deficient in some way, so that they can still feel good about themselves. And of course, if you're already in a relationship with a powerful male, that doesn't stop the jealousy. The reason is, that sexual jealousy comes from insecurity on the part of the jealous person, and is often wrapped up with envy of the other person's talents, connections, or social position.
One thing that I've learned in my life is to roll with the punches, protect yourself at all times, but wait for the right time to retaliate. I've always been the ultimate survivor, independent from an early age, determined, and self aware. It can be really hard when women are extremely hateful to you behind-your-back-in-front-of-your-face, but having had years of validation regarding my looks and talents, and the fact that I am both self and other-aware, has helped me to understand that the acts against me have nothing to do with who I am, but with who they are. In most cases, the harassment that I have received comes from women who have no idea who I am, and who have never had a conversation with me. I had to overcome some very difficult things in my life, including dealing with a dysfunctional family, a mood disorder, and some accidents, including one which caused me to be transported in an ambulance to the hospital, which left me with some nasty sequelae from a hematoma to the back of the head (partial anosmia.) I think that the fact that none of the attacks seem to phase me just incites the others more.
Huff Post on Jealousy