There was an error in this gadget

FB it!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Too queer for queers

I was talking with a female friend recently, and the we got on the topic of gender and sexual identity.  She described herself unabashedly as "too queer even for queer people to identify with."  The label "queer" has gone from a derrogatory slur once used for homosexuals to a proud badge of honor used by people who are mostly gay and flamoyantly androgynous, but in a very fashionable, hipsterish way.  So what if you're not exactly gay or lesbian, but feel that the term "bisexual" with it's connotations or large orgies and group sex doesn't describe you either?  What if you're attracted to the opposite sex, but your psychological gender doesn't fit that which would be expected given your biology?  I've identified as "bisexual" since I was 18 years old and still in high school.  I came out to two or three people who I trusted at the time not to spread it around, at a phase in my life when I had not even had sex yet.  I've always felt different, and my earliest sexual fantasies date back to my childhood when I was 8 years old.  I knew from an early age that I liked women, but it wasn't until one specific relationship that I was able to fall utterly in love.  And this person was male.  Well...sort of. 

Gia Regency with boyfriend D
Our relationship dynamic was quite interesting, since I played the emotionally "male" role, and he played the stereotypically "female" role, reminding me of romantic holidays like valentine's day so that I would not forget, drawing me in to long, intense conversations about our feelings, while I was the one who could be cruelly insensitive at times at grab his fake tits inappropriately at clubs, as pictured in this photo, taken at club motherfucker while on a trip to NYC in the year 2000.    And yet, in spite of being so different, we shared so many similarities, and even, in some cases, our wardrobe!  We were the dynamic duo of kinkdom, braving every goth club, bondage ball, and sex club worth visiting within a 300 mile radius.  To the average observer during the day, we were a straight couple, and I guess, if you are only looking for the XX, XY pairing, one penis and one vagina, that would be true.  Being queer is weird.  It's harder to define you.  Online dating is complicated.  Am I a female searching for a male this time?   Or do I have to create two separate profiles?  Should I list myself as gay because everyone knows that gay women do not date bisexuals?  Should I bring up the fact that I like to fuck cock too, or would that just be too much of a turn off?  Being queer means learning how to have sex with many different types of bodies, and learning that just because someone has a penis, doesn't mean they like to be treated like a man.  I've been fascinated with some of the biological science behind gender, and I've found out recently that I have many physical traits, including the shape of my face, which might classify me biologically as androgynous, however, I'm also deeply in touch with my feminine side as well.  I almost feel that "butches" or "femmes" have it much easier.  When your mind and behavior doesn't always match your body, subliminally, whether people admit it to themselves or identify it or not, it is uncomfortable and shocking for them.

Gia Regency with boyfriend D
Here's a photo of me and D rockin' a red dress.  Double take, here's me rockin' that same dress that I borrowed from him.

Gia Regency near stairs

No comments:

Post a Comment